email chain letters and other
cyber-annoyances

I got an email a week or two ago with this riddle.

“There are three words in the English language that end in ‘gry.’ One is ‘angry’ and the other is ‘hungry.’ Everyone knows what the third one means, and what it stands for. Everyone uses them every day and, if you listened very carefully, I’ve given you the third word. What is it?”

The email then ended something to the effect of “Give up? Send this email to five friends, and the answer will appear.”

I was apparently on someone’s five friend list. The answer? I’ll tell you later.

*******

There was a recent question on the Midcoast Internet Solutions Help bulletin board. I thought it was a great question, and it’s one I’ve touched on in a round-about way before, but let’s go over it again in a little more detail.

Do you ever get email that looks like this:

*** ATTENTION ***

Your email is being returned to you because there was a problem with its delivery. The address which was undeliverable is listed in the section labeled: “—— The following addresses had permanent fatal errors ——.”

The reason your mail is being returned to you is listed in the section labeled…
The line beginning with “<<<“ describes the specific reason your email could not be delivered. The next line contains a second error message which is a general translation for other email servers.

Please direct further questions regarding this message to your email administrator.

AOL Postmaster

And of course you look at the address, and it’s not a message you’ve ever sent, and it’s an address you don’t recognize. What’s going on? Do you have a virus?

It used to be that if you had a virus, that virus would steal addresses from your inbox or address book, and then send with your email address in the “From” field. If the virus picked an address that was no longer valid (let’s say gooberface@mint.net), you’d get a message back from the mint.net server saying “Sorry, Jack, that address isn’t here anymore.” You’d look at, realize you never sent it, and that would be prima facie evidence that you had a virus. But it’s not that way anymore.

Virus writers have gotten smarter. (Or more deserving of the gas chamber, in my opinion.) Now, not only do they forge a “To” address, but they forge a “From” address too! So here’s what happens. John Doe has a virus. The virus sends itself to gooberface@mint.net. Instead of putting John’s address in the “From” field, it puts mine (let’s say). So, when that virus-laden email hits the mint.net server, it doesn’t go through, and returns the email as undeliverable. The only problem is that it returns to me—the guy in the “From” field! But of course, I never sent it. I have no idea who gooberface is, even! And I don’t have a virus either. So just because you’re getting a bunch of bounced messages does not mean you have virus. If you’re getting a lot of bounced emails, then update your virus software, and do a full system scan. If it comes out clean, then don’t worry about it.

Spam senders have gotten smarter (read the gas chamber line again here) too. They’ll send junk mail with “Mailer Daemon returned mail” something or other in the subject line. You, thinking it’s a bounced message, open it to find you can increase the size of your mortgage while being ordained. If you run into this bit of nonsense, just delete it.

*********

OK, back to the “gry” thing. What’s the answer? Well, there is no real answer. While there are a few other English words that end in “gry,” they’re all like alternate spellings of obscure 19th century words. Certainly, nothing that you “use every day.” The riddle is actually supposed to be an oral/aural riddle. You tell your friend “there are at least three words that in “g” or “y”, like hungry and angry. What’s the third?” Your friend hears “…words that end in ‘gry.’” The answer to that riddle is any word that ends in “g” or “y.” (It’s kinda like the farmer with 30 sick sheep riddle.)

But of course, it loses everything when it’s written. So some dope started this email chain thing, which has no answer, and that makes no sense, and also cons people into sending five more emails so the answer “magically appears.” Since there’s no answer to begin with, one never appears.

Friends, don’t participate in these chain email things. Do what I do: search the Internet. Most of these schemes have been around long enough you’ll find the answer easily, without clogging up email servers and needlessly jamming my inbox. And sometimes it will save you some embarrassment.

I received this one email about a TV show that was going to be taken off the air because it had the word God in it somewhere, and Madeline Murray O’Hare has some bill somewhere in the Senate to get the show removed. In this email, you were supposed to sign your name, and forward to all your friends who would do the same. I got one from my brother-in-law. I did a quick search, and found out the whole thing was bogus. So here I am in receipt of an email with hundreds of names on it of people who bought into a scam. My name didn’t get on that list. I hope I don’t see your name on some bogus email-chain scam any time soon. ’Cause if I do, I’ll be sending you a nasty note. ;-)

Bill Batty, Jr. is the Director of Public Relations and Marketing for Midcoast Internet Solutions and the drummer for five midcoast bands including Blind Albert and Three Button Deluxe. Contact Bill by email: <bbatty@midcoast.com>. You can see photos of his newborn twin sons, Nathaniel and Matthew, at www.billyrhthm.com.

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